When you’re meeting someone new – or meeting a room full of people to make a presentation – what will make the biggest impact on them? What you say? The way you say it? Or the body language you use to express what you’re saying?
In his book, “Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes”, based on his research at Stanford University, Albert Mehrabian offered two equations:
Total liking = 7% verbal liking + 38% vocal liking + 55% facial liking
Total feeling = 7% verbal feeling + 38% vocal feeling + 55% facial feeling
The conclusion being that the three must be congruent – if they aren’t, we the audience, may make our decisions based on the non-verbal signals we get.
But don’t get me or Mehrabian wrong. This isn’t a licence to talk rubbish – words are incredibly important. Using the right ones count while using the wrong ones can be catastrophic.
It’s about a balance – about the effort you put in to each part of the package. If they are all working together you will make an impact and land your message. If they aren’t you may make less of an impact and/or communicate mixed messages.
For me there are two practical applications.
Firstly, the importance of rehearsal. If I told you that you had five days to prepare a presentation, I can almost guarantee you won’t start rehearsing it until about 10 minutes before you go on, if at all.
Why?
Because there will always be a slide you want to change. A handout you want to tweak. A paragraph somewhere that isn’t exactly the way you want it.
But how important are those final tweaks? Really? I would say they’re far less important than rehearsal.
And that doesn’t just apply to presentations it applies to meetings and even phone calls. Any situation that’s going to be difficult. If you’re about to walk into a challenging confrontation, get someone to sit down and say, for example ‘I’ve had enough of your job, I’m leaving.’ And then practice your reaction to that challenge.
Rehearsal means standing up and speaking it for real, role-playing with someone else, making sure you can actually say what you have written in a way that makes the right impact – the congruence of your words, voice and body language.
Because your best chance of getting the outcome you want will always depend on body language and emotional reaction – combined with the right words, spoken in the right way.
The second and related learning for me is the importance of first impressions. When I ask people how long they take to make up their minds about a person they click their fingers – “seconds!”. We don’t have long.
I suggest that if you don’t have time for a proper rehearsal then whatever you do rehearse the first 90 seconds.
90 seconds to make the impact you want.
Getting the balance right early on gives us the best chance of getting someone’s attention. If I think ‘OK, you’re all right,’ then I’m going to start listening to what you say. But if I’ve already dismissed you, you’ll have an uphill battle to convince me about anything at all.
So think about that in the context of planning your next challenging situation – plan well and make sure you rehearse!
Very best!
David Solomon
Managing Director, Sun and Moon Training
@SunMoonDavid