The classic coaching model involves listening – finding out what’s going on – and then coaching to achieve the goal you are looking for.
But there is another approach which is more about bridging to something better if you want to take someone forward. This model is called ‘what, what, how’.
I’m indebted to Jessica Pryce-Jones who as well as teaching me pretty much everything I know about training also created this simple model:
What? – Literally, what is going on?
What? – What is your solution?
How? – How do you achieve that solution?
To illustrate it I want to give you a real-life example – which both my daughters have given me their permission to use, because at some point they have both said ‘I don’t want to go to school.’
So how would you respond?
You could say ‘Get in the car.’ You could say ‘School is good. You’ll see your friends.’
But then I noticed that my eldest was only saying she did not want to go to school on a Friday. And – being a trainer – I thought it was worth trying out a model.
So I asked her to tell me what was happening. Why she was happy to go to school on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, but not on Friday.
She said: ‘Well, it’s Friday. I’ve got ICT first period, and I have to sit next to Charlie. He always talks and I get into trouble.’
So the real issue here was not about going to school. It was about Charlie getting her into trouble. And it could just as well have been some other person.
Resolving the issue
Now I could have offered possible solutions – sitting somewhere else, explaining to the teacher. But when someone is in conflict they tend to reject suggested solutions, even if they are good ones.
So instead I said: ‘OK. What can we do to keep you out of trouble?’ And she replied ‘Let me stay at home.’
From her point of view it was a very good solution, but the school would probably not agree. So I said ‘Actually we can’t do that. We need another option.’
And then she said ‘I need a way of ignoring Charlie.’
So we tried a little role play. I played Charlie, sat next to her, and said things like ‘You smell. Your pencil case is rubbish. Your hair is nasty.’ And she practiced ignoring him.
So now she has a tool for ignoring Charlie. It also works for all the other men in her life, including her father. And she has invented it herself – it is her own solution.
So the key to this model?
Don’t provide the solution – coach the solution out of the person you are with.
Very best!
David Solomon
Managing Director, Sun and Moon Training
@SunMoonDavid