The ability to influence when you don’t have the authority to compel will enhance your effectiveness as a manager and your personal brand in the organisation.
In this series of three posts we’ll look at the factors that influence people, and how your preparation can give you the confidence to have the difficult, courageous conversations.
We’ll cover:
- Factors that influence – What sways others to collaborate and follow?
- Conflict reactions – What might get in the way?
- Planning – How do you prepare?
Part 2: Dealing With Conflict
Influence can be straightforward, with a willing team that are motivated and enthusiastic. However, if you’re asking people to do things that may mean extra work, time, and commitment, they may be concerned, or even reluctant. They may not feel it’s their job, and your attempt them to recruit them to your cause is another grievance to add to previous pressure points.
Dealing with conflict means understanding the reaction you may get and being prepared. Aggression is a motive, and not to be confused with assertiveness. It’s important here to avoid fighting fire with fire. Instead, listen actively, make space, question, and listen to understand where the objection comes from. In doing so, you will move the other person from a conflict, emotive position to a rational, and potentially collaborative one.
Don’t suggest that the conflict is “not a big deal”, or start offering solutions. The emotion of aggression will not react well to this. Make sure your focus is them, and not you. It’s all too easy to start talking about how you feel and steal the story.
Consider this quick checklist:
| DO | DON’T |
| Listen | Minimise |
| Empathise | Problem solve |
| Clarify | Steal the story |
| Stay calm and rational | Get emotional and argue |
Being Assertive
Assertiveness is actually a positive conflict. Assertive reactions can help get to the core of the issue quicker. If you are a less assertive personality, however, this may be perceived as aggressive. So, be prepared for the questions, usually “why’s.”
If you have the answer to at least five, you’ll probably succeed. The other person is giving you nothing; what do you do?
Open Questions
There could be many reasons.
I’m thinking…
I’m unsure…
I’m unhappy…
Use robust questioning to make sure your message has got through. Open questions will work best, as they get the other person talking.
Passive Aggressive
The aggression here is less in the actual words used, but more in the tone and body language. What is being said is at odds with what you see or hear. The most direct way of dealing with this is naming it and discussing it.
In the next post we’ll look at planning.
David Solomon
Managing Director, Sun and Moon Training
@SunMoonDavid
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